Oh, For the Love of …

Posted 13 November, 2007 in Unbelievable, Assmonkeys | 1 comment

From the New York Times:

A new strategy at Borders will reinforce the message that its stores are not just about books: the company has been installing 37-inch flat-screen televisions to show original programming, advertisements, news and weather.

Pardon me while I yak.

Clearly I Was Born in the Wrong Century

Posted 21 August, 2007 in Unbelievable | 2 comments

An article in yesterday’s London Free Press states that the LongPen, Margaret Atwood’s long-distance book-signing tool, produced and promoted through her company, Unotchit, will soon become a permanent feature in selected bookstores:

Kiosks will be set up at the World’s Biggest Bookstore and HMV’s flagship record store in Toronto, Barnes & Noble in New York and Waterstone’s in London beginning after Labour Day, and could expand elsewhere if successful, [Unotchit spokesperson Bruce] Walsh says.

And the world takes one step closer to becoming completely virtual.

As if that’s not depressing enough, the Unotchit site contains a video of Canadian short story great Alice Munro giving a testimonial about the ease of using the device that would be more appropriate on a late-night Tony Robbins infomercial.

I’ve always thought that there was something creepy and Orwellian about Atwood’s device; apparently I’m not the only one:

For the reader (or fan, as they would have it)? [sic] I rather think it exploits a mild tendency towards starfucking, then rubs the reader’s face in it as the dumb point glides across the leaf. If you’re not hearing the death rattle of either yourself or Literature as this transpires, you’re not paying enough attention.

The Free Press article also has Walsh ruminating about other possible uses for the invention: “You could potentially see the talent in their dressing room, somewhere, and they could actually sign into a bookstore.” Which gets me thinking: why stop there? Why not have them sign books while they’re sitting on the crapper? Or doing rails in the bathroom of some swanky new nightclub? Or getting fellated by a groupie who actually has the advantage of being in the same room with them?

If You Think Chapters-Indigo Is Bad …

Posted 14 August, 2007 in Book News, Unbelievable | 2 comments

… take solace: you could live in Australia.

According to an article on the Sydney Morning Herald’s blog, Aussie chain bookstore Angus & Robertson is demanding that certain small to medium-sized distributors actually pay for the privilege of having their books stocked in A&R’s stores.

According to a letter from Charlie Rimmer, ARW Group Commercial Manager, to Michael Rakusin, the director of Tower Books Pty. Ltd., dated July 30, 2007, “over 40%” of A&R’s contracts with their suppliers “fall below requirements in terms of profit earned,” and therefore the bookstore “will be rationalizing [its] supplier numbers [i.e. dumping books and ordering less stock] and setting a minimum earnings ratio of income to trade purchases that we expect to achieve from our suppliers.”

The letter had an invoice attached, which “represents the gap for your business” between the purchases made by A&R and their expected profit margin. In other words, the distributor is now expected to cover the gap between what A&R ordered as stock and their anticipated profits.

And it gets better. Rimmer’s letter goes on to state that as of September 1, 2007, the start of A&R’s fiscal year,

• “All [supplier] agreements contain a standard rebate, a growth rebate and a minimum co-op commitment”
• “Growth rebates activate as soon as our purchases with you increase by $1 on the previous year”
• All rebates are to be paid quarterly, and must be received by the 7th of the month following the end of the fiscal quarter or they “will attract a daily 5% interest charge”

In other words, Tower (and all A&R’s other suppliers) will be expected to pay for any growth in business that occurs during the period covered by the agreement — they are actually penalized for doing more business with the bookstore — and will be expected to pay for co-op advertising, which to this point has always been discretionary on the part of publishers and suppliers.

It’s hard to see how A&R is not committing corporate hara kiri with these unreasonable demands. They are a bookstore chain and, presumably, need to stock their shelves with something to sell. Tower Books may be a smaller supplier in the chain’s eyes, but its website indicates that it handles Australian distribution for, among others, DC Comics, the Hachette Book Group (which includes Disney Editions and Mirimax Books), Overlook Press, and TASCHEN. Not exactly marginal publishers.

On its own website, A&R claims that their “vision is to be ‘Australia’s first choice for books,’ ” which phrase is actually in quotation marks, presumably because it is meant ironically. The site continues: “Bookselling involves an interesting and diverse product range,” though apparently diversity will take a back seat to profits at a moment’s notice.

This entire situation is highly troublesome. If the major retailer in a given market feels it can start dictating draconian measures to its suppliers — including the almost inconceivable notion that suppliers should pay the bookstores to have their books on the shelves — it’s not too difficult to see how smaller and less financially secure publishers could start disappearing from the market altogether.

The Sydney Morning Herald site contains a lengthy response to Rimmer’s letter from Michael Rakusin, the gist of which is basically to suggest that A&R’s requirements are unacceptable. Hopefully other publishers in Australia will respond similarly. And I hope against hope that Heather Reisman doesn’t get wind of any of this.

Oh, Come ON!

Posted 20 July, 2007 in Unbelievable | No comments

Just when I thought it couldn’t possibly get any worse, I read this in the Guardian:

As a trickle of leaks and early reviews lends rising weight to the rumours that Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows will see the demise of several of the series’ key characters, ChildLine has announced that it will be laying on extra staff to cope with an expected surge in calls from grief-stricken fans.

The helpline, which offers a free and confidential 24-hour counselling service to children and young people, has asked its volunteers to take on extra shifts over the coming days, on the grounds that the death of a well-loved character could spark feelings of “loss and bereavement” among younger readers. Waterstone’s, which is hosting a glittering launch party at its flagship store on Piccadilly this evening, is making a donation to ChildLine to help alleviate the burden of the anticipated increase in caller numbers.

“For many children, Harry Potter and his friends have become a major part of their childhood,” explained Kate Trench, a senior supervisor with ChildLine. “Death and loss of any kind can make children feel upset, angry and afraid. The story could bring back unhappy memories for children who have lost friends, relatives or pets.” The helpline took calls from a “significant number” of children when boy band Take That split up.

Jesus wept.

Has it really come to this? When children’s distress lines feel the need to augment their staff in preparation for calls to help deal with the grief caused by the deaths of fictional characters (or the breakup of a boy band, for that matter), something has got completely fucked up in our society. If children or adolescents can’t make the rudimentary distinction between fictional characters and real people, does no one else see this as a danger sign? Does no one else consider this an indication that something in our culture has gone seriously off the rails?

Rather than publishers and their author making platitudinous comments about maintaining a bizarre and hubristic marketing-oriented sales embargo to prevent leaked plot details prior to a book’s onsale date, and claiming that they are going to such lengths “for the children,” perhaps their energy would be better directed towards considering how as a society we arrived at this point.

If J.K. Rowling and the folks at Bloomsbury, Scholastic, and Raincoast really want to do something “for the children,” perhaps they could start by explaining to them the difference between fiction and reality.

We have to do something. If the above isn’t a clear sign that our culture needs a very large wake-up call, I’m not sure what it’s going to take.

Christ almighty.