I’ll Have a Half-Double-Decaf-Half-Caf

Posted 5 December, 2007 in Uncategorized |

A friend of mine pointed me in the direction of this amusing Dave Barry article on coffee:

Specialty coffees are very popular these days, attracting millions of consumers, every single one of whom is standing in line ahead of me whenever I go to the coffee place at the airport to grab a quick cup on my way to catch a plane. These consumers are always ordering mutant beverages with names like “mocha-almond-honey-vinaigrette lattespressacino,” beverages that must be made one at a time via a lengthy and complex process involving approximately one coffee bean, three quarts of dairy products and what appears to be a small nuclear reactor.

This is something that has annoyed me for some time, especially before early-morning screenings at the Toronto International Film Festival, when I’m stuck in line behind a phalanx of artificially tanned ponces from LA, all wanting their decaf mochaccino with soy milk heated to precisely 180 degrees, if you please, while all I want is a cup of industrial-strength, high-octane black coffee to wake me up sufficiently to sit through the latest tearjerker from Uzbekistan.

Barry’s article is good, but this is my favourite take on the whole “specialty coffee” industry.

Bragging rights to anyone who knows where the title of this post is lifted from.