Clearly I Was Born in the Wrong Century

Posted 21 August, 2007 in Unbelievable |

An article in yesterday’s London Free Press states that the LongPen, Margaret Atwood’s long-distance book-signing tool, produced and promoted through her company, Unotchit, will soon become a permanent feature in selected bookstores:

Kiosks will be set up at the World’s Biggest Bookstore and HMV’s flagship record store in Toronto, Barnes & Noble in New York and Waterstone’s in London beginning after Labour Day, and could expand elsewhere if successful, [Unotchit spokesperson Bruce] Walsh says.

And the world takes one step closer to becoming completely virtual.

As if that’s not depressing enough, the Unotchit site contains a video of Canadian short story great Alice Munro giving a testimonial about the ease of using the device that would be more appropriate on a late-night Tony Robbins infomercial.

I’ve always thought that there was something creepy and Orwellian about Atwood’s device; apparently I’m not the only one:

For the reader (or fan, as they would have it)? [sic] I rather think it exploits a mild tendency towards starfucking, then rubs the reader’s face in it as the dumb point glides across the leaf. If you’re not hearing the death rattle of either yourself or Literature as this transpires, you’re not paying enough attention.

The Free Press article also has Walsh ruminating about other possible uses for the invention: “You could potentially see the talent in their dressing room, somewhere, and they could actually sign into a bookstore.” Which gets me thinking: why stop there? Why not have them sign books while they’re sitting on the crapper? Or doing rails in the bathroom of some swanky new nightclub? Or getting fellated by a groupie who actually has the advantage of being in the same room with them?

2 comments to “Clearly I Was Born in the Wrong Century”

Alex, August 21st, 2007 at 6:45 pm:

• I have a hard time understanding the fuss over this thing. I would rather have a limited edition copy of a book actually signed by the author than one “signed” by the LongPen. It’s like getting a fax stamped in your book. There’s no connection at all.

  I’m not an autograph collector though. I’d be interested to hear what the real autograph hounds think of it.

B, August 23rd, 2007 at 2:27 pm:

• I’m not an autograph seeker, but I have gotten books signed by authors whose work I really enjoy. What I try to do is ask the writer a question that I hope will lead to an interesting inscription, and therefore, a story/memory for me.

  I remember going to a Doug Coupland reading–it was 3 months after my father had passed away and I hadn’t spoken to anyone, not friends or family. I felt like I’d forgotten how to have a normal conversation. All I could think of was to ask Doug what his favourite flower was.

  He drew a picture of peony, that I still smile over to this day. But it was the humanity of our exchange that I cherish more than the autograph. And I don’t think the LongPen is ever going to capture those intangibles that are part of living in the moment…you know what I mean?

Your comment:

Name (required)

Mail (requried)

Website

Security code (Required)*
To prove that you're not a bot, enter this code